December
Usually
around Christmastime I say the same phrase over, and over. "Touch me like
a snake would."
--November 30, 2011
I laughed until I
cried. http://t.co/VlXHWeSg(credit: @yewknee )
--November 30, 2011
My Dear Watson
Elementary School
--November 28, 2011
Hostile makeover
--November 28, 2011
"Do you have any of
that children's makeup that covers bruises?" -- me at the Walgreens.
--November 26, 2011
It's a swastika shaped
soap bar called a washtika
--November 26, 2011
Finds at the Florida
Flea Market: calculator lighter http://t.co/uhyjeBnE
--November 26, 2011
"Finds at the
Florida Flea Market: necessary tablewear. http://t.co/XhfpZ9Nq
--November 26, 2011
Finds at the Florida
Flea Market: belt buckle: http://t.co/O09R3A3G
--November 26, 2011
The clouds in Florida.
Like great big cumulous ambassadors on way to a meeting. Gathering slowly with
all the other clouds of the world.
--November 25, 2011
"Girl you make me
wanna watch Broke Down Palace and cry." --bad pickup lines.
--November 25, 2011
Keeping Matt Elam on his
toes.http://t.co/t0Lybmoh
--November 22, 2011
RT @joeyciccoline http://t.co/cxywxM1T
--November 22, 2011
RT @matthewelam
@toddmichaelr Following in your footsteps: pic.twitter.com/wrumWjJO
--November 22, 2011
Today, on bothering Joey
Ciccoline:http://t.co/9d02RJju
--November 22, 2011
The song that plays
during the ending credits to my life has turned into something jolly.http://t.co/vaOAn11H
--November 22, 2011
This bar has thick, tiny
glasses...like a near sighted child.
--November 19, 2011
I wish American Spirits
made a Christmas cigarette, so I could smoke Christmas Lights.
--November 16, 2011
Either there's a
Veteran's Day special at Applebee's, or they've been occupied by enemy
forces...
--November 11, 2011
He was lactose
intolerant/ and no one had to tell me/ someone's in the bathroom/ screaming
"Jumanji"
--Neil Young
--November 11, 2011
How does Spider-Man not
have a headquarters called "The Parlor"? @danslott
--November 11, 2011
My scientifically
improbable dance crew is named Perpetual Motion.
--November 10, 2011
"It's been awhile,
let's dance, Sugar." I said to the donut store...
--November 9, 2011
You can't argue with
this chorus.http://t.co/ORquv87F
--November 9, 2011
I am far too happy
lately be sad, so I'm going to put this link here for some unforeseeable future
where I am: http://t.co/npomjTt6\
--November 9, 2011
SNL's 2nd best sketch
really gets cooking.http://t.co/fHgIhSUD Amazing.
--November 7, 2011
It's about that time of
year again...http://t.co/7XYkBbOf
--November 7, 2011
"If I ever have a
colonoscopy, I'm going to make them call me "Dr. Chocolate Dynamite."
..."Does that feel alright, Dr. Chocolate Dynamite?"
--November 7, 2011
"How good do I look
on a scale of ten to ten?"
--November 6, 2011
How have the Rockettes
never danced at a NASA launch? ...Am I a genius?...
--November 5, 2011
Remember remember the
fifth of November, eating her curds & whey--no, wait...
--November 5, 2011
This Juvenile song is
going to be perfect for my film school slow motion demo reel.
--November 4, 2011
This week on Fat
Western: "This town ain't big enough for the two of us..."
--November 4, 2011
The best part about
living with Robin & Joey is that Robin is always giving me fatherly advice
while cleaning the kitchen. I don't like Joey
--November 4, 2011
A lot of people don't
know why i like this new Coldplay album. But even stripped down its just good
song writing. http://t.co/dw0P7za9
--November 3, 2011
How about a Clive Barker
horror film about a demon named Pinhead who has to raise money with Krispy
Kreme donuts, and it's called Fundraiser
--November 3, 2011
(Sigh). Well, my Winter
wardrobe isn't going to Tulip Paint itself to fashionable...
--November 3, 2011
poem // feelings //POEM!
// French words that sound smart // I feel things // poem
--November 3, 2011
RT @joeyciccoline My
roommate is twelve years old. @toddmichaelrhttp://t.co/Pu4RQGXF
--November 2, 2011
Asthma.....(breath)....phone
sex...operator..(breath)...how can I ...help you?
--November 2, 2011
"5 HOURS OF SLEEP
IS < OR > FAST MUSIC & COFFEE. AN EQUATION IN PROCESS.
--November 2, 2011
Of course, the terrible
curse of being alive, is knowing exactly what would make you happy at any given
moment.
--November 1, 2011
Generally shocked there's not a pothead
comedy movie about two guys fighting a
Medusa that turns people into stoned.
--November 1, 2011
Is someone on Twitter? Because there's about 140
characters in this room! -- me, if I was entertaining at a party.
--November 1, 2011
November
Abdominal Snowman made
Joey laugh
--October 29, 2011
This bathroom is
occupied. I am the 99%
--October 28, 2011
SKETCH: "Man, that
storm outside is insane." Cut to a man dressed as a storm..."I'm your
mother. But I'm not. I'll cut ya. Just like Jesus."
--October 27, 2011
SKETCH: talkshow called
Bi-Polar Tonight "One of my dear friends
and, one of my favorites--Johnny Depp!"...
"hi, thank for--"..."GET OUT."
and, one of my favorites--Johnny Depp!"...
"hi, thank for--"..."GET OUT."
--October 27, 2011
SKETCH: Friend doesn't
know what racism is. "Racist?! More like fearless. I drove in Japan. A
whole nation filled with Asian drivers."
--October 27, 2011
SKETCH: Someone running
for mayor of children
--October 27, 2011
SKETCH: 2 guys who keep
missing each other.
Calls the other while on a date. calling while at a funeral. calling the other guy post coital.
Calls the other while on a date. calling while at a funeral. calling the other guy post coital.
--October 27, 2011
SKETCH: Man who is
jealous of himself.
"why do I always have to get the girl"
"why do I always have to get the girl"
--October 27, 2011
SKETCH: Pop and lock
smith (2 DUDES DANCING TO UNLOCK YOUR CAR)
--October 27, 2011
SKETCH: Intervention for
person who does not have enough friends.
"There's only 2 of us here."..."Only 2 people care about you."
"There's only 2 of us here."..."Only 2 people care about you."
--October 27, 2011
My heart has a cape, and
it is black.
--October 26, 2011
This song is so good I
want to listen to it while watching YouTube videos of people swallowing frozen
bananas whole.
--October 26, 2011
"if they can't
handle goofy jacket guy, then they don't deserve tennant" --
@joeyciccoline referring to the 9th Doctor.
--October 26, 2011
I've secretly replaced
Joey's blanket with a Rod Stewart impersonator, let's see if he notices...
--October 25, 2011
--October 25, 2011
"incredible. http://t.co/vHuM36PP"
--October 25, 2011
http://t.co/j1cl70xQ @joeyciccoline @joeyciccoline
@joeyciccoline
--October 24, 2011
"Oh, Todd...I just
noticed you put on a beard!" --Janel Rogers
--October 23, 2011
And now, Peter
Frampton's male backup dancer: "Peppermint."
#ThingsITextJuliaDuringAFramptonConcert
--October 22, 2011
This might be the OCD
talking, but talkING, talk-ing, T-ALL-King, talking, talk, TaLk, talk. ing.
Talking.
--October 22, 2011
Getting my hair did at
JC Penny's.
--October 22, 2011
I dreamed of falling
beneath waves naked, and dancing and kissing women. When I awoke I was fully
clothed and alone.
--October 22, 2011
gaunt with the wind.
--October 21, 2011
--October 21, 2011
Cigarettes with proper
'diction.
--October 21, 2011
"Now: A time when
the death of a CEO is treated like the loss of a messiah, & people gather
in cluster-fuck marches against corporate greed.
--October 21, 2011
My head.My thoughts. I
think I'm back.
--October 21, 2011
I'mmmmm pretty sure this
is how girls see me.http://t.co/RnV1amnY
--October 20, 2011
DO YOU NEED A THEME
SONG?http://t.co/E8t1Vh4c because this is mine so you'll have to ask
my permission.
--October 20, 2011
The best part about Dumb
& Dumberhttp://t.co/azsk5CfH
--October 20, 2011
And that last link is
only because I can't find a link to "Hurts Like Heaven" on youtube.
--October 18, 2011
Song of the god damn DAYhttp://t.co/H0bdQlrF (unless you have a penchant for kind of
hating arena rock)
--October 18, 2011
Just caught myself
praying for someone. #TheAccidentalChristian
--October 17, 2011
A silver medal mine/ a
cave to celebrate every last second
--October 17, 2011
Seven days, and seven
nights. I got a crazy second wind, so put them storm shutters up.
--October 16, 2011
That old man's smiling
polio face was mood crumbling. Damn it. now I have to get rid of all these fake
bats and black streamers.
--October 14, 2011
When I hit the deer it
knocked the hood of my car up into a sneer. I think it suits me.
--October 14, 2011
I assumed root beer was
alcoholic until I was about 10. #Confessions
--October 13, 2011
The Sad Wor(L)ds of
Alfonso Emoticonhttp://t.co/YIq4HKTk
--October 13, 2011
This Todd Rundgren album
is straight up fucking the shit out of me.
--October 13, 2011
You can't spell
pointless without point.
--October 13, 2011
"This is as close
as I can get to Drive, a button up shirt & jacket." "Your shirt
is inside out" --Robin Moore, helping me dress.
--October 12, 2011
I thought gag gift meant
blowjob and now I feel like I've ruined this birthday party.
--October 12, 2011
"Last night, Joey
and I giggled at the shambles.
--October 12, 2011
I'm pretty sure
Coldplay's The Scientist is about a werewolf. Based solely on the last 20
seconds of the song. Listen & you can't disagree.
--October 12, 2011
I'm going to get a dog
and name him Charles Bark-ley. Get it?! (It's because my dog will be black)
--October 11, 2011
I have made three people
laugh today, so far. Take that, Radiohead.
--October 11, 2011
Gods of Clariton heed my
call, and strike down the South in it's dark influence.
--October 10, 2011
I can hear the chill
keen of Nothing, come to claim.
--October 10, 2011
Imagination to the point
of intoxication.
--October 8, 2011
October. I spend my
nights on friendly porches & dive bars. And sleep in empty rooms on
couches.
--October 8, 2011
--October 8, 2011
RT @joeyciccoline Just
when you thought @toddmichaelr couldn't be any more goth. twitpic.com/6x7isb
--October 8, 2011
At the airport with a
"some bitch" sign.
--October 8, 2011
If I was a fat DJ, my
name would be MC Donald's.
--October 8, 2011
"God, I know you
don't believe in me, but..." #ReversePrayer
--October 8, 2011
Some of these girls at
the farmer's market look really intense. It's the eyes. They pick out muffins
like they're disassembling a bomb.
--October 8, 2011
Make it reign.
--October 8, 2011
We drank on the porch,
at the House of Milk & Honey.
--October 8, 2011
Perch. http://t.co/CtLnWaqr
--October 7, 2011
Stories are important
because they help us find our own.
--October 7, 2011
I have had to hold it together
twice now during this album. These songs.http://t.co/9sY2dSci Jesus.http://t.co/UYxpM76T Christ.
--October 7, 2011
Oh, ...it's out. Here's
to five years of waiting!http://t.co/AbqoBFlO
--October 7, 2011
I was so upset & up
so late that I don't remember much of yesterday. But I DO remember singing
Julia & Meagen a song called Sail Ship Kisses
--October 7, 2011
My heart is a horcrux.
--October 7, 2011
I've lost count of the
cigarettes. Like bodies in a massacre.
--October 6, 2011
People throw their
lovers away so easily.http://t.co/CWHsNnY0
--October 6, 2011
Did I just write a poem?
--October 6, 2011
No I should have written
Todds #dammnit
--October 6, 2011
Todd Todd is my nom de
plural
--October 6, 2011
If you ignore the fact
that your wife has a horse face, get subconsciously mad at this tweet I'm
writing.
--October 6, 2011
This morning, while in
traffic and listening to The National, I realized/remembered exactly the thing
chapter 1 needs. #novelling #genius
--October 6, 2011
When is it too soon to
remark that Apple is probably about to unveil a brand new Steve Jobs?
--October 6, 2011
...This from a kid who
purposely rejected Beatlemania #myfatherwillweep
--October 5, 2011
Watched the Harrison
documentary with Aunt Cindy. Can't stop listening to "While my Guitar
Gently Weeps"...
--October 5, 2011
I bought a new iPhone.
Message me if you would like my number. (Steve Jobs I know you can't read this
but you changed my entire life)
--October 5, 2011
Just noticed the
whispering in the background of "Cemetery Drive" Well done, My
Chemical Romance. That took me eight years.
--October 5, 2011
I feel the same about
bow ties. RT @joeyciccoline I can't see an angel statue without a brief moment
of terror. Thanks a lot, @steven_moffat
--October 5, 2011
My friend Meagan and I
went to a bar. The band was so bad, the guitar player sounded like he was
trying to a kill a spider.
--October 4, 2011
"12 cigarrettes.
I've doubled my score!
--October 4, 2011
My pirate radio station
is called NPRRRRR #dumb
--October 4, 2011
2nd cigarette. Chalk
marks on my lungs.
--October 4, 2011
http://t.co/Irum2x8g It often takes every fiber of my being not
to wear a matador's jacket in public.
--October 4, 2011
"These plain front
tweed pants incorporate all the details you require." SOLD
--October 4, 2011
Thought of a very neat
little clever idea for the novel this morning. #!!! #:) Color my day in
cerulean, because it is my favorite color.\
--October 4, 2011
"Lucasfilm is
suing. Just because my movie is about depressed filmmakers in Indianapolis.
Just because I named it Indiana Film Jones.
--October 4, 2011
Nicotine is the nectar
of broken hearts #MaybeTwoADay
--October 3, 2011
My White Stripes &
Burl Ives cover band (Fell In Love With A Burl) is looking for a drummer.
Please RT
--October 3, 2011
Oh look, someone
recorded the song I hear every time I look at you...http://t.co/XFvGqx6L
--October 3, 2011
Special thanks to Aunt
Cindy for giving me dinner, a pen, and a place to write. #SorryAboutThatChildhoodChristmasIThrewUpInYourMouth
--October 2, 2011
Oh my God! All three
acts of the novel have become 22 chapters each. The smile on my face is pure
and magical.
--October 2, 2011
Kama Sutra for One
--October 2, 2011
Why does everything say
Patent Pending? Who isn't doing their job?
--October 2, 2011
"I slept on a
couch. Now I am helping film a movie. Joey says "guy who opens door
offscreen for actress" isn't a credit. I hate him.
--October 2, 2011
"It only took 24
hours for me to get my zipper stuck in my new jacket. Only the nimble fingers
of two women could help.
--October 2, 2011
Hey, did you know
there's many ways not to build a floor and put on a door? Ask us how many we've
tried. #looksgoodthough
--October 1, 2011
Helping Joey & Sean
build a set in Joey's room. This is my lot. All 3 of my brothers have sets
built of music. Mine will always be wooden.
--October 1, 2011
I dreamed of Her &
heroin.And cutting a talking statue until it bled. I dreamed of tears and
confusion.And the edges of mountains & beaches.
--October 1, 2011
Taffy high. -
@itsmichaelayall
--October 1, 2011
Octopberrs
I bought that fucking
jacket. #IfIWasALionIWouldBeADandyLion
--September 30, 2011
Well, Chivalry's dead...
(chivalry is my dog's name) : (
--September 30, 2011
Remonstrated is my new
favorite word.
--September 29, 2011
"A chainmail scarve
is practical AND fashionable.
--September 29, 2011
Elizadarling Crumpet
#FakeBritishNames
--September 29, 2011
Just showed up at a pool
hall with swim trunks on. I feel a fool.
--September 29, 2011
"How do you make
yourself forget something?" "Oh, I hang blank post-it notes around
the house"
--September 29, 2011
Hey, creepy guy, listen:
the only one dropping more hints than you is me: get the fuck away from me.
--September 29, 2011
This morning brought the
shocking and unexpected connection between two characters I had written. I keep
thinking I understand this novel...
--September 29, 2011
Oh, you want to know the
title?...Well, I suppose I could tell you: "The Decline & Fall of The
Delicious Pudding Company" #yesitisgreatinnit"
--September 28, 2011
I have a great title for
a short story, but I'm afraid to start writing it, lest it become another
novel. #islestaword
--September 28, 2011
SNL All My Children wrap
party sketch: pretty good. http://t.co/X7X1pLmF
--September 27, 2011
http://t.co/bCNCr4BR#dancesyoucandoatfunerals
--September 27, 2011
I want to write a book:
Dances You can do at Funerals
--September 27, 2011
"I'm somehow losing
weight, which is great, but my pants are falling off. I hate belts so much that
I took karate, and quit after white belt.
--September 27, 2011
"I was too sick to
get out of bed, but I did, and I just fixed my novel. Take THAT Prince of
Terrible Days...
--September 27, 2011
One of the more exciting
changes I've only just noticed between drafts: the former Chapter 17 is now
Chapter 49 #IAmTerribleAtFirstDrafts
--September 26, 2011
"...Freudian
dick--I MEAN SLIP!"
--September 22, 2011
This song may be worth
your time.http://t.co/FeDxtlnv But perhaps not, best to place it safe.
--September 22, 2011
Do you mean poutine the
food, or the sexual roleplaying game I keep under my bed?
--September 21, 2011
Last night I remembered
that @essajet & @Sarahstronaut & I can bond over things like knowing
Eugene saw Hell in The Mortal Coil #homeschoo
--September 21, 2011
Dire Doves.
--September 21, 2011
I found myself too close
to a rare Perfect Jacket. GreyVinyl/Tokyo/BlackPatch/postapocalptic....but I'm
not paying your Dandy Fee, Diesel
--September 20, 2011
"Another echo,
another blossom. I haven't heard from this unwritten story since November, and
here it is: whispering for a moment once again
--September 20, 2011
--September 20, 2011
"Tie a Yellow
Ribbon Round The Old Oak Tree" #SongsThatSoundLikeSexAdvice
--September 20, 2011
The International
Society of Intoverted Poets: "once written, twice shy"
--September 20, 2011
--September 19, 2011
--September 19, 2011
Cars should be able to
record location activated notes, like "remember to slow down at this
turn" or "this is where she left me...
--September, 19, 2011
We don't have phone
booths anymore. How does Superman change? Zooming into a T-Mobile store?
--September 19th, 2011
We laughed as I fell.
Cindy says the gunshot I heard was my ligaments popping over my bones.
Everywhere I step is a land of nausea.
--September 18, 2011
A lot of bulbs and bells
went off, as I drove away from my friends in the dark.
--September 18, 2011
...The elements have
come to kill you, so make these moments matter...
--September 17, 2011
2nd part of the novel
is now tidied up into notecards. Shocked to find both parts are twenty-two
chapters long. Just the 3rd act left now
--September 17, 2011
I don't believe in the
power of the outside world. It's an exostential crisis, to be sure.
--September 17, 2011
Stop...ALL the
clocks, http://t.co/avDpnf5h
--September 16, 2011
I feel good enough for a
nightmare. Reign my horse upon the dark fields of happiness.
--Spetember 16, 2011
A No Holds Barred fight
between two lawyers that have been disbarred is called a No Barrs Held fight.
--September 16, 2011
"Now I need to buy
a car with a horn that plays "Return of the Mac" in it's entirety.
--September 15, 2011
Smoking with a leather
jacket in the cold air; memories of a misspent youth.
--September 15, 2011
Arrrgh! This pair of
pants is too big, and the other pair is too small. #thefinalstraw #suicide?
--September 14, 2011
...I finished the first
draft blind, now I need lights to guide me back through it.
--September 11, 2011
I never use notecards
before writing. (I like to write, not fuck around) But this novel is too big. Too
dark...
--September 11, 2011
The notecards will be
marked up and rewritten and then tacked to a wall, or perhaps displayed on my
floor. A battle plan for chiseling.
--September 10, 2011
"Just finished the
preliminary note cards for the first third of the novel.(Always THE novel,
never MY novel, I do not pretend to control it)
--September 10, 2011
There, on the horizon.
Between the fog, & the blood of the field; a standard, waving on an
infernal breeze. A black raven. I have returned.
--September 10, 2011
Her tattoo said
"and everything was beautiful, and nothing hurt" but then she turned
around, and it was a lie.
--September 9, 2011
Uhg, I can't stop
vogueing.
--September 2, 2011
My heart thinks its
hoodie weather, but my mind says: "No, friend. You've damaged us enough
already"
--September 2, 2011
Septembereres
unhidden postscript:
Look for a raven upon my return.
--August 11, 2011
We are at Gen Con to
pitch a game. The best part was when Sakroka split his pants while sword
fighting. (update for Ashgarden)
--August 5, 2011
That tye-dye shirt looks
great on you! --no one
--August 5, 2011
WORLD'S HORNIEST TOAD!
THESE TOADS ARE YOUNG SMALL & HORNY!!! You want WET?! We have lizards that
go UnDeRwAtER
--August 5, 2011
Tonight my sister cut my
hair for the first time since I finished my novel. Told her wanted a cross
between lesbian & Jrock. She nailed it.
--August 4, 2011
Sakroka & I hit the
road tomorrow for Gen Con. I hope to see any of all three of my online friends
there. Also hope: not dying on road.
--August 4, 2011
When Claremont took over
the effect was immediate: Jessica Drew out of costume more, inducted into
larger marvel u, romance, space aliens..
--August 3, 2011
Fell in love with the
Marvel Essentials format.Bought Spider-Woman volume 2 on Friday--did you know
Claremont wrote the book for 14 issues?!
--August 3, 2011
My dad helped me
download that game AND bought me the Hobbit in the same year. I was 11. My mind
never recovered.
--August 2, 2011
I can honestly just sit
here and watch this video for ages. http://t.co/5bHcg8n
--August 2, 2011
I did not play a lot of
computer games as a child, but I loved the shit out of this on shareware: http://t.co/kb0B3SC
--August 2, 2011
When cat pee makes ya
cry, 'till there's tears in your eyes, that's ammoniaaaa!!!" #blockme
--August 2, 2011
Done.
Donedonedonedonedone. 10 weeks of game design. Almost 3 years of dreaming.
Done. Finished. Everything.
--August 1, 2011
Just making
sure--Samantha Who, was not a DR WHO spinoff, right? #SheHadAmnesia
#CouldHaveBeenATimelord
--August 1, 2011
This man isn't guilty,
because PASSION shouldn't be guilty--And CAN I have five dollars?
#HomelessLawyer
--August 1, 2011
"I" before
"E" except after "C", and in the word "weird",
because it's weird.
--August 1, 2011
In my pocket, right now,
as always, is an invisible list of things to worry about.
--August 1, 2011
August
The Hardy Boy's and The
Case of The Bad Grammar
--July 31, 2011
"If someone is
questioning you, call them a Who-What-Where-WhyWolf, and see if they laugh.
--July 31, 2011
The thing about sitting
alone at a restaraunt, is everyone around you wondering if your a pedophile.
--July 31, 2011
High- Heelies: rolling
shoes for sexy women
--July 31, 2011
This heat is unbearable.
Al Gore must be laughing
on his throne of dehydrated skulls.
--July 31, 2011
Finished photoshopping
packaging, and then ran into madrid, who reminded me I'm supposed to be in a
short film down the street. #Nashville
--July 31, 2011
"This dick isn't
going to eat itself..."
--me, at the erotic cake
bake-off
--July 31, 2011
How many times do you
think David Lee Roth has accidentally killed someone and then yelled "What
have these hands Roth?!" #TheAnswerIsThree
--July 31, 2011
I fixed my thermostat
with a broken q-tip. Take THAT people who hated me in middle school...
--July 30, 2011
July
June
May
April
March
February
January
